okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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