I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize