I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
