That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You need Xanax blowdarts
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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