I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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