you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize