This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
