I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
