we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
