well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
