Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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