First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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