I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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