so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
