She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
