dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
