is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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