i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
