so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
