I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
