Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
