hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
