i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize