I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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