You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize