i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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