dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
