he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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