There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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