I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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