Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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