I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
