when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
