Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
