You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
