I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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