you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize