Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
