he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
