I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
