Sponge bath it is.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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