We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
