my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
