paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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