I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I see more hoeing in ur future
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