You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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