I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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