I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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