omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize