they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My balls are so social today.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
