we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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