Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
