actually, I'm a sock model
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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