If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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