I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
