Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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