That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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