this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize