He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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