Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
