i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
