I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize