You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
