I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
