he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
