i will never coherently bang her
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
