Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
