If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
