I didn't shave. On purpose
I feel like abortions should bother me more
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
