dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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