at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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