Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
