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I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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