going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
