I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
